August 16, 2016

The Summer of '16

August 16, 2016
If you asked me a few weeks ago if I was ready to go back to new york, my answer would have been yes. absolutely. positively. yes.

If you asked me today? well I’d be torn. I’m torn because the past few weeks have been some of the best weeks with the best people and I’m not ready to part from that. 

In high school I never felt like I was getting the high school experience that is so prevelant on tv shows, movies, and the instagrams and  snap stories of the few friends I had who attended public school. I stayed in mostly, mainly due to my inability to drive (and let’s be real my love for netflix) and generally wasnt very social outside of school. Due to the fact that this is most likely my last full summer at home and my friends a year younger than me are getting ready to head out to college for the first time, the past few weeks have been spent with getting together with people and enjoying ourselves for one last time.

I had friends over for my Moonrise Kingdom themed birthday party and we talked, listened to music, roasted smores, and caught up with one another. I wish I had pictures to show y’all but it was the perfect way to spend my birthday. For our last hoorah my friends Jess and Sydney hosted a Beatles themed murder mystery party out on our friend’s farm. It was hot, it smelled very much like a farm, basically no one had any idea what they were doing, but we were carefree, and we were too loud, and we had too much energy, and we were being young. 

Sometimes i forget that. 

i am young.

I haven’t even been 19 for a full week yet. I have an entire life of adventures before me, and as exciting as they may be, I should be in no rush to get to them. New york really knows how to make a person grow up, fast. 

Here I am getting ready for next semester setting up internships, trying to figure out my budget and how much to allocate for groceries and transportation, thinking about if I want to go to grad school or what I want to do in life and how to get there. I’m notorious for thinking 10 years ahead and being mature for my age. while I love new york, the people, the experiences and opportunities, the sights and sounds, I desperately need these nights with friends at the farm, or the afternoons at the pool, or the mornings cooking with Jess at my house. 

I need to watch dumb videos with my friends while the guys try to explain to me the difference between a doggo and a pupper (not to be confused with a doge, my generation is weird y’all). 

I need to not give a shit sometimes. 

I need to be more open with people and invest time in my friends. 

I need to be young, and relaxed, and dare I say a little reckless. 

I'm so glad that I got to make some amazing memories with amazing people, and I'm grateful that I remembered to document some of it. I want to remember belting at the top of our lungs and dancing in a dark kitchen, I want to remember the short lived pick-up basketball games, I want to remember holding your hand, I want to remember the unbelievable story involving a snake, a pigeon, and a rabbit.

I may be a little biased, but my people are the best people. I know that we'll always have facebook and snapchat and whatever other social media outlet that decides to pop up between now and forever, but I love my friends and the way they make me feel, and I don't want to leave them–at least not yet. 

July 29, 2016

July Purchases | Budgeting Bloggers

July 29, 2016
Looks like I'm back to my old shopping habits again! This month hands down has more items than the previous months, and I have no complaints.

Despite not yet setting foot in a pool all summer (it's not like I live down the street from a pool...), I picked up yet another bikini top because the fit is just too good and for $6 you really can't beat that price. Another slightly impulsive and out of character purchase was these earrings. I couldn't care less about the earrings I wear, and I've always been a diehard studs girl, but once I got the idea in my head of wearing blingy earrings with a super nonchalant outfit and big sunglasses I was sold. 

I've recently made it my mission to pick up some more tops that I could easily wear to class or dress up for dinner or possibly work. This top from J.Crew Factory is great for wearing anywhere. Just a few weekends ago I wore it to work and then to a party that night. I love the boxy fit, but it's a little snug at the hips so I may get it hemmed for more of a cropped look.

My best friend works at Madewell and she has totally turned me into a Madewell fanatic. For the longest time I felt like their laid back look just wasn't for me, but I've grown to really dig it. They were having a good sale so I picked up some more tops that I felt would be really versatile. I can already tell that I will be wearing these loose tanks all. the. time. and I'm envisioning wearing this top with high-waisted jeans and an oversized denim jacket during the day or with jeans and booties at night. 

 I love everything I picked up this month, but I definitely have some items on my shopping list that I want to focus on in the upcoming months.

July 23, 2016

Over It

July 23, 2016
Shirt: J.Crew Factory // Overalls: Madewell // Rainboots: Kohl's

I think that these overalls have been my favorite summer purchase thus far. Actually, these overalls are definitely my favorite summer purchase! When I bought them I purchased them with the idea that they would look good over sweaters and long sleeves so I cold wear them starting from spring and well into the fall time. Awhile back, when we were still getting drenched with rain here in Texas, I wore these overalls with my favorite striped long sleeved tee for a day of running errands. This has to be my favorite outfit I’ve put together with my overalls to date. 

July 7, 2016

June Purchases | Budgeting Bloggers

July 7, 2016
I know I’ve said this already but I’ll say it again, I really haven’t been into shopping lately. So far this year I’ve purchased 10 items and I’ve unintentionally gone a month with out shopping twice. This month the items I picked up were more out of necessity than pure want, but I’m still really excited about them!

I’m really not much of a swimmer (aka I don’t know how to swim) but it’s always nice to have a swimsuit on hand incase I want to go cool off at our neighborhood pool. The only top I had was way too small so I scooped up this basic bandeau from J.Crew for a great price. It fits perfectly and makes me feel comfortable. I like it so much that I actually ordered another one in navy for a more neutral option. 

I started working full time in June, so I felt that now would be a good time to buy some work pants. My office isn’t too formal, but I would feel a bit underdressed if I wore my black jeans on a day other than Friday. I scoured the J.Crew sale section (my favorite section) and picked up the Ryder pant and their Pixie snap-front pant. The Ryder pant are what you think of when you think of work pants but they look really good on and are super comfortable. They have the right amount of stretch but don’t lose their shape and can be worn multiple times before washing. Also another perk, they are machine washable! 

I really like my pixie pants and had already been considering getting another pair because of how often I wear them in the fall and winter. The snap-front version of the pixies looks more like actual pants, making it easier to wear to work. They are longer and higher waisted than the regular pixies which takes a little bit to get used to, but I’m really enjoying them so far. These pants almost remind me of a matte version of the American Apparel disco pants.

Once again, I'm pretty proud of my ability to curb my spending, but with this new job and some extra money in my pocket I'm itching to treat myself to a little shopping spree sometime soon!

July 5, 2016

Glo up

July 5, 2016
Top: H&M (similar) // Shorts: H&M // Bandana: Gap (similar) // Shoes: Adidas Universals (similar)

Oh hey there! Long time no blog, did you miss me? Probably not. Anyways, I've been a bit out of the blogging loop since I started working a month ago, but trust me when I say that I've missed it dearly. For work I don't get much of a chance to express my personal style and once I come home from work all I want to do it put on leggings and a t-shirt and crawl into bed. However, one weekend I managed to make myself look presentable and I think I've created the perfect summer outfit.

This tank top is one of the few items that I wear for any and every occasion in the summer. While it's one of my favorite items in my closet, I get tired because I seem to wear it the same way every time.  This time I added my blue bandana, my new favorite accessory, and it was definitely what this outfit needed. I finally learned how to wear these around my neck without looking bulky and over all this whole look really had me feeling myself. I think it also helps that I got my hair done a few weeks ago so I now feel like I'm polished from head to toe.

I wish that I could promise that there's gonna be lots of blog stuff coming soon, but considering the fact that I come home everyday totally drained and devoid of any motivation, I don't think I can make that promise. I think having so much of my time consumed by work has made me realize how important this blog is, so I'm striving to work towards a balance between being a vegetable in my bed and working on my more creative endeavors. Here's to hoping that I find that balance soon!

June 2, 2016

Just Write

June 2, 2016

I just set my timer for 15 minutes and I intend to write until the time is up. 

Before settling down to write, I adjusted my seat, put on chapstick, hand lotion, I changed shirts, changed the temperature, found a suitable spotify playlist (currently listening to Bon Iver's "Wash." radio by the way, 10/10 would recommend). I basically did anything and everything to waste time and prevent me from putting my butt in a chair and typing away. I've always had a love/hate relationship with writing, one that I've mentioned briefly here on the blog in the past. Obviously I love it enough to be writing a blog for the past 5 years or so, but there's something about writing that I always dread, no matter if I have something important and timely to say or I just want to remember my thoughts. 

I was flipping through some of my own conference notes from way back in kindergarten/first-grade. I remember how mush I loved those student-led conferences because my teachers would gloat about how I was such a wonderful student, and my parents would always buy me a little treat afterwards, a milkshake at McDonalds, a new JumpStart CD game (to be honest, I regret giving them to my younger cousin, I still want to play them even at the age of almost 19). Jumpstart! Across the world we can JumpStart! To see what we can seeeeee...... Despite being the perfect student in every way (I always sat in my rug spot! I was usually kind! I was good in math! I only cut my hair once!), even little five-year old Toyosi didn't like writing. While reading through the comments that my K-1 teacher wrote about my writing skills, something really jumped out at me: 

She does not like making mistakes... I would prefer it if she could start writing without perfection in mind. 

Turns out Ms. Steck knew all along why writing and I weren't getting along. I am too much of a perfectionist when I write. So much so, that I just don't write. If I don't write, I can make mistakes, right? I wouldn't label myself as a perfectionist in all aspects of life, but when I do something, I want it to be done well, I want it to be better than everybody else, and I want to get recognition and praise for it (this one has had whole lot of negative impact in my academic life but we can talk about that later). My struggle with writing never came from a lack of something to say, it came from the lack of being able to say what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it, in a way that people would acknowledge and admire.

As an introverted person, I have a lot of conversations and inner dialogue with myself. I think I enjoy conversations with myself as much or even more than conversations with most people. When there's a topic or an idea brewing in my head I think, and dissect, and piece together, and dissect it again and again until I come to some sort of conclusion. A lot of times those conclusions I draw emphasize something about myself that I never really paid attention to, they push me to be more thoughtful in different aspects of my life, they highlight my priorities, or they make me see people, situations whatever in a different way. And I love sharing this insight with others. The amount of times I would intrude on my roommate's personal space just to talk about what was on my mind was probably a few too many times. I can't keep these things bottled up. If you've ever heard me talk about something I'm really into, then you know that this passion just can't be contained for the life of me. 

But when there's no ear to listen, the natural thing to do would be to write. And I'm hoping, I really am, that I learn to get over myself and my need for perfection. I hope that whatever natural writing style I have shines through. I'm hoping that I don't get hung up on grammar rules, or word choice, or whatever and let that stop me from writing. I'm hoping that I sound real, and that people can find some truth, or can relate to what I'm trying to say. And I'm hoping that I get some really good discussions out of this, because let's be real, that's what the perfectionist in me has wanted all along.